On Friendship with Pastors...
But my pastor can't leave... she (he) is my best friend!" Interim practicioners in congregations run into this from time to time. The entire topic is usually an "eggshell" walking contest because pastors and families need a social life and with the congregation is the natural place to develop that. I won't debate that. Been there, done that.

However, it does create fuzzy boundaries when less differentiated pastors begin to create "friendships" instead of relationships. I'll go out on the limb and say that "friendships" benefit me and relationships (though "friendly") benefit the whole.. the congregational system.

I've been in two interim congregations where friendship boundary busting became a detriment that bled over into the interim transition (transitional dynamics: history, identity, power). In one setting the stories of "parties with the pastor" were abundant. Lots of friendship networks were created but no discipleship networks and spiritual needs were filled elsewhere, outside that particular church. The topic came up at a Session meeting and one of the Elders noted with chagrin that when he became "friends" with the pastor, he "gained a friend but lost a pastor".

The other account emerged in an interim start up retreat that I do. As we talked, it became clear that friendship led to less accountability, unwillingness to talk about difficult issues, and then a subtle leadership lethargy.

My strategy in brief has several components and they are "no-brainers" for experienced pastoral leaders:
1. Refresh the "role" of the pastor. Tend the professional role of "minister" in worship leadership, how people address you, ways you deal with appointments, etc. These may seem still and more formal at the beginning but it is a way to remind people (and ourselves) about the role of Minister of Word and Sacrament.

2. I do my best to find my friendship needs filled outside the congregation - usually with interim colleagues. I am friendly and fairly "laid back", but I am learning where the boundary lines are so that we are all focused on mission not club.

3. Pastor dependency is a symptom of the fuzzy boundaries. Equipping and developing new leadership and empowering them is key.

In the meantime, I love being friendly with a very warm and hospitable congregation!

Blessings,
Bob Anderson
Interim Minister
Collingwood Presbyterian Church
Toledo, OH

Resiliency: Bouncing Back from Change

Resiliency is still our theme in ShortStop and tonight I found a very cool web site that addresses some of the issues that will help the tranistional minister develop resilency skills....


Resiliency: Bouncing Back from Change

CoolChurches - Resources for the Missional Church

Why Use Stories?

Six Stories Pastors Need to be Able to Tell.... check it out at the link below...

Bob Anderson

CoolChurches - Resources for the Missional Church

Interim Ministry Puzzles

Transitional leaders in congregations present a variety of puzzles that put energy into our inquisitive nature. Kevin Eikenberry writes about doing puzzles and some leadership lessons he learned. Check it out at the link below.....

Bob

Unleashing Your Leadership Potential - Puzzling Your Leadership Puzzles

I needed resiliance this week. I'm not sure I had a lot to withdraw from "the bank". A church interim job interview was in the offing. I woke up not feeling well (maybe a touch of that flu that's going around). The bedroom light bulb burned out when I turned it on and that put me behind schedule. Then I discovered that the toilet was clogged and running out over the floor and down into the kitchen. The good ol' plunger only made it worse.

From bad to worse went the day. I noticed that I was "cranky." Not enough sleep. I had to drive to the Sunoco station to use the bathroom. Yuk. I was grateful that the shower worked. Arrangements for a plumber made, I walked off to the day feeling rather off center.

Days like this hit us by surprise. We are not always prepared. I was fortunate in that I had my morning prayers before all this began. At least I had some spiritual nourishment. What got me through was a lot of deep breaths and short prayers. I had to keep reminding myself to stay centered and not give in to the overwhelming cloud of doom that was ready to burst over my psyche.

My learning came in that I had a repetoire of options and possibilities - I did have a plunger in the closet (even if it didn't work). I was able to cast pride aside far enough to make it to Sunoco. I also had the presence of mind to give up "fixing" the toilet and stay focused by delegating the task to the expert plumber whose number I had the manged to keep handy. Morning prayers helped - now I need make sure I don't delay them as I sometimes do.

This sounds like the Boy Scout motto, "Be Prepared". I will be.

Easter Blessings,

Bob

Easterweek, 2009

Resilience and Community


Resilience in times of change and chaos is not about toughing it out, making lemonade out of lemons or living in denial about your feelings. According to the Mayo Clinic medical web site
(http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/resilience/MH00078), getting connected with others is an important part of being able to bounce back. The author says to "Get connected. Build strong, positive relationships with family and friends, who can listen to your concerns and offer support. Volunteer or get involved in your community. "A sense of connectedness can sustain you in dark times." Pastoral leaders need the support of others to survive the challenges of transition. My best support comes from those outside the church - in other denominations or church affiliations. One of my best support relationships is with someone who is not yet a follower of Jesus in a confessional sense. We all know the value of our web of connectional relationships yet few of us nurture this network intentionally. I know that I didn't until my later years. I depended on spouse and family members solely and that was not enough to provide the full spectrum of feeback, spiritual direction and sheer "holding up" what we need at times.


Developing authentic community in a congregation is not easy. Most of our congregations are the heirs to a congregational culture that has tended toward religious faith as "private." Many church leaders live on "coffee hour sound bites" as sufficient for "community". A faith community will be resiliant as a body when they are bound in trusting faith relationships.


This is different than "trauma bonding." We've all heard the stories about the church building that burned and resulting in the congregation rallying around to support a rebuilding effort.
Trauma and tragedy evoke compassion for the short run. Most of the difficult issues we face today need intentional planning for confrontation, deep communication and the enslistment of all members to move ahead in a new or challenging direction.


A simple self assessment tool is available at the Mayo Clinic site mentioned above: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/resiliance/MH00078 I tried answering the questions from a congregation's possible point of view and it didn't go very well. Give it try - note your discoveries in the feedback forms on the blog.

Holy Week Blessings (2009)

Bob Anderson

Time Out and Resilience

I admit it.. I left Pittsburgh on a cold morning last month and enjoyed a warm weekend on a South Carolina beach. Thinking. Pondering. Wondering. Celebrating.

The vast Atlantic was in front of me and though I found very few shells that day, I did find solace and respite. Praying the "Hours" is teaching me that life has a rhythm and that rhythm is experienced daily. It is this "sabbath" rhythm that calls us to rest, work, and rest again. By creating small "time outs" in my day, I am able to fill up my reservoir of health that gives me the "bounce back" resilience that life demands of pastoral leaders.

For the interim congregation, the interim time itself is a "time out." This is a time for reflection, soul searching before pastor searching, prayer and discernment. As a pastoral leader in a time of transition, creating the "time out" space can be the key to helping the people hear what God is calling them to be and to do.

Bob Anderson

Transitional Ministry Leadership - Resiliency and Self Care

In these days of chaos and economic pressues, it seems critical to think about our ability to be resiliant in the face of such pressures. Resiliance, as I use it here, refers both to our personal resiliance in the face of change pressures but also the resilience of the congregation as they confront leadership change in the midst of cultural, economic and shifts in religious/theological thinking.

In any change process the transitional leader will recognize the value of two key factors, resistance and resiliance. Resistance to change occurs much as the the elastic band in the picture above. The further it stretches, the more resistance is built up as kinetic energy. Resilience in this case refers to the ability to stretch out and return without breaking or weakening.

Pastoral transitional leaders can model resiliency for congregations by excercising good self care. When I excercise regularly, I am able to stretch and bend easily. Good self care practices in the areas of physical exercise, emotional/relational life, intellectual and spiritual is like filling a reservoir of energy resources behind a dam. When change and pressure push against the dam, some of the filled capacity is released. In very turbulent times, huge amounts of resources are pushed through the dam so that it does not break.

However, the resources must be replenished if the reservoir is to be resiliant - to return to its full capacity and role of storing energy resources. What activities restore you, build up the capacity for leadership, keep you centered? Attending to our self care will be one key way to be resiliant in the face of ministry pressures.

Bob Anderson

Join the conversation using the response area in the blog...

Being the paragon of self care that I am :) I know that I have more capacity for challenging experiences when I am rested, physically fit, nurture life giving relationships and spend time working in the areas of my gifts and passion.

Resiliancy and Transitional Ministry

Personal resiliancy is a hot commodity in today's economic environment. The ability to "bounce back" after a financial portfolio hit, ministry faux pas or relational storm is critical to leadership.

This will be the first of a conversation regarding "resiliancy" in ministry, particular the "short stops" we call intentional interim ministry. I will commit to contact our various interim ministers around the country with the blog spot site so that we can communicate thoughts about interim ministry and transitions. When we exhaust that topic, we will take up a topic that seems to be current for our practice of interim ministry.

Resiliancy is an admirable charcterisitic. Leaders who keep their calm in the midst of anxiety, think on their feet when "under fire" or make tough decisions (that are "right on") in the midst of chaos are a rare breed. Most of us are too interested in "looking good" that we forget to focus on our leadership mission.

Resiliance, in my experience, is the ability to flex to incredible lengths and then return to the original configuration. For transitional ministry leaders this is an incredibly helpful characteristic to develop. My personal skill is lacking at times but I do teach myself to stay calm, extend myself to others past my normal thresholds, connect and then return to my "original shape" - kind of like the Slinky in the picture above.

When I was in college I spend several Christmas and spring breaks working in a factory in Cambridge's (MA) Kendall Square loading clip fasteners (much like the one in the picture) into shipping boxes for GM to use in attaching trim to cars. My location was next to the heat treating department, the last stop before shipping. The heat treat foreman took a liking to me and explained the entire process. The metal clips arrived to his department perfectly formed. By all appearances, they were ready to ship. He took one of the clips, bent it out and snapped it. It didn't. The clip bent outward and stayed in that shape. He took one that had gone through the process of high temperature exposure over time and did the same thing. The steel clip stretched out and then snapped back to its original form.

Resiliance is about snapping back after stress. Like the clip. Congregations with leadership change these days are full of stress and and anxiety. The leader will get caught in that turmoil and seeking to be "less anxious than the most anxious person in the group" needs to be able to stretch out, connect, minister, lead, and then snap back to normal (well, what ever normal is for us). In the next few blogs I want to consider some ways to develop and support resiliance.

One way to increase personal resiliance is to draw on spiritual practices. I recently went through one of my most stressful and difficult situations that threatened to undo me. My spiritual practice over the past couple years has been to "pray the hours" using a breviary (www.explorefaith.org/prayer/prayer/fixed.index.php). As I attended this practice through each day, I was startled by the increase of peace and centeredness. I had been stretched to a breaking point and the practice of praying the hours snapped me back into the shape God is creating for me.

Join the conversation - share your experiences and thoughts through the feedback posts available with this blog...

Lenten Blessings,

Bob Anderson

Pittsburgh, PA