I just finished reading Margaret Wheatley's book, Turning to One Another. Her premise is basic: Once people start having conversations (not just talk at each other) we develop relationships, then community, then peace. Once we know someone's story it is more difficult to fight with them. Hmmm. I guess even in families that may hold true! Knowing the story certainly does help the family/community begin to define boundaries and values by which we will live, love, and fight.

I think her volume is worth reading for interim ministry practicioners because it gets at a high value for congregational study (from Bob's perspective, anyway) that getting the community into dialogue, conversation, is a critical support for the congregation's transitional dynamics (read: Developmental Tasks). See also the new book by Alice Mann and Gil Rendle, Holy Conversations - a congregational study approach that includes conversation as a key element of "data". Yes, finally someone values narrative approach and the risks and excitement of qualatative data.

So anyway, last night I ate supper at Appleby's and took a cue from the book by talking to the server using a different type of conversation starter - I asked her what dreams she had... she responded for her life, career and then I pushed her to ask what kind of person she wanted to become...

We could also ask: what surprises have you had this week? What goals have you accomplished? Are you any closer to finishing one? What do you like about clouds? so go ahead, make some up...

So, after my brief experiment, I realized that if she (actually two shes - there was a servier in training as well) it could lead to a more extended conversation that could include faith and witness. They were "on the clock" and that isn't fair!

So, what has surprised you this week?

Copyright Bob Anderson May 4, 2004

Last week at our Pittsburgh Seminary Interim Education Program, I came across a copy of a monograph about the cerlgy spouse called "Shadow Dancing". I didn't read it - I suppose it is about how the minister's spouse must grapple with the problems and opportunities of living in the shadow of the pastor - spouse. The image of shadow dancing did not leave me however.

I'm in between moves right now and my books are stored in boxes in the garage attic. But somewhere is a copy of a book entitled, The Shadow Side. It might be by Jay Congers but I'm not certain. At any rate, he recounts in theory and cases study that effective leaders are often undermined by their "shadow side: - that's the part of myself that I may not see (and you might!); that part of myself that lies quietly under the surface and breaks forth in tumultuous disarray when scratched by stress, criticism, or other combinations of life's underside.

In my classes I make a big deal about the need to be self aware. Only then will we catch the glimses of this shadow as it rears up to undo some, if not all, of the good that I have managed with God's grace.

So shadow boxing is a leadership art of the inner heart. Shadow boxing is not about beating down, it is about knowing where the shadow is, to puch and jab, to keep it at bay. I will never have a knock out punch with my shadow, but if I can get to know my shadow, I can live with it in a way that helps and doesn't hinder.

The more I live in healthy ways in my relationships, inner needs of the ego, sexuality, physical health, the better I am able to live an integrated life. And in that is integrity. At least then the shadows will be short and easier to manage!

Copyright May 2, 2004